Sorry, Ladies - I Hate Orange Juice

I know a lot about The Ladies. I have talked to a few of them and even read novels written from their perspective. Over time, I have learned a few things. For example, I have determined that women like men who drink orange juice.

Consider the following items and events that orange juice plays a role in:

• Breakfast in bed.
• Mimosas or screwdrivers
• Every grocery store visit.

These are components of a healthy relationship - something I will never have because I don't like orange juice. I can't stand the stuff.

For one, it makes me sick. Secondly, apple juice is tastier. Plus, you can see through apple juice, which makes it safer to drink in case there are syringes in it.

So this is an apology to all The Ladies of Colorado. I am flawed. And I will only bring ruin to you. Unless you're into apple juice. Then we've got it made.